Confessions on Failure and Comparison

Happy Monday friends! 👋🏻 Is it just me or do the weekends seem to go by faster and faster each week?! I keep wishing that we could always have 3-day weekends….but I have a feeling those would start to feel short at some point too 😂 How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun or out of the ordinary? Freddy and I had a virtual double date night with some of our great friends who live in Irvine on Saturday night which was so fun! We eat dinner together via FaceTime and then watch a movie - this time it was Solo! We hadn’t watched it since it came out in theaters and it was funnier than I remember it being so that was awesome 😆 We also got Sunday brunch with my mom at one of our fave spots, The Henry! If you live in Phoenix, LA, San Diego, or Dallas and you haven’t been to The Henry yet, I strongly encourage you to! The atmosphere + the amazing food = an amazing dining experience 🤤 If you go for brunch, their “Go North” coffee is my absolute favorite ☕️ it’s so creamy and smooth it honestly tastes like chocolate milk. All in all our weekend was really fun, the perfect mix of chill and productive, but I had these lingering thoughts on my heart that I couldn’t shake and wanted to share with you.

Have you ever felt like you should be farther along in life compared to where you’re currently at? Or had feelings that you’re not good enough or that you’ve failed? My 30th birthday is approaching in 6 months and some days I just feel like an utter failure at life. I know that must sound horrible, and I definitely wouldn’t say I feel depressed in anyway, I just sometimes feel like I envisioned my life being so much different at 30. During your senior year in high school, did you ever write a letter to your future self and dream about all the cool things you hoped to accomplish 10 years from that moment? Last summer marked 10 years since my high school graduation which was a scary realization! Since we didn’t get to have a reunion due to the pandemic, I think I brushed all my feelings about it under the rug and now that I’m approaching 30, all of these thoughts are starting to creep back in.

When I was 18, the ripe old age of 30 sounded so mature, wise, and sophisticated. I envisioned my married self having an established career, a big home, maybe a fancy car, probably a couple of kids, and a passport filled with stamps to show all of the amazing places I had traveled to. As 30 continues to come into focus, I find myself focusing on the things I don’t have rather than being grateful for what I do have. Before I continue on, I have to say that I’m so incredibly thankful that I met Freddy at 19 and that we are celebrating 7 years of married life this year 😍🥰 I literally don’t know what I’d do without him and there’s no one I’d rather be on this crazy adventure with!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful for my life, because I truly do have so much to be thankful for! I wanted to write down these thoughts I’ve been having because I’m human and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way. I think I’ve just realized the contrast between my life now and where I thought I’d be by the time I turned 30, but I know without a doubt that God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and His plans are greater than anything I could ever imagine (Jeremiah 29:11). The more that I meditate and fix my gaze on Scripture the more I realize that it’s for the best that my life hasn’t turned out according to my will or my plans, because my life has always been in God’s hands and He knows what He’s doing. In today’s culture and society, I think it’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap and believe that the grass is greener on the other side. “If I lived in that house I would be so much happier.” “If I had X amount of money I would be content.” “If I could afford to wear designer clothes I’d feel so much better about myself.” I won’t lie and say these thoughts have never entered my mind, but I’ve truly realized that comparison truly is the thief of joy and giving into these thoughts only makes me feel more miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is a great thing - it helps us feel connected to our family, friends, and people we look up to when we otherwise may not be able to see them or have the opportunity to meet them, especially during this past year. I love that Instagram allows me to share my thoughts and outfits with people all over the world! I just have to be extra mindful when I start to notice myself falling into the comparison trap and stop before I spiral out of control.

Here’s what I’m going to do and feel free to join me if this resonates with you!! Instead of mindlessly scrolling on Instagram and comparing my life to other people’s highlight reel, I’m going to take 10 minutes each day to write down 5 things that I’m grateful for and give thanks to God for all the blessings in my life 💛 I know in my heart I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now, even on the days when it’s hard to remember that. I hope you know and believe that too, friend. Do you also struggle with some of what I mentioned? How do you combat the negative feelings that can sometimes creep in? Let’s chat about it here or over on Instagram! Sending you lots of love as you head into the new week! xo