“If you loved me you would…”
“You are making me sad, mad, cry, want to die…”
“You are my reason for living, without you I will not survive…”
When loved is used as a weapon, the other demands fuel from our fire in order to feed theirs. Relational love – the caring, genuine desire to see the other happy and content – is twisted with manipulation and daggers. The actions speak loudly: “You must fix me for you are the reason that I am broken.”
When we step into this place of trading love for the other’s happiness, love becomes a transaction. A transaction that takes from me to support you. When love becomes a trade, it eats away at both of us like a cancer that transforms healthy cells into a disfigured mass, unrecognizable as what they once were. Love becomes a sickness.
When we continue to give love that is demanded, we deny ourselves the fuel that our internal fire requires, leaving only embers. We are barely alive. When we demand love, our desire for love becomes a black hole that pulls in all brightness but is never bright. There is never enough love to spark a flame. We are in darkness.
Love is not a transaction. It is not an obligation. Love does not take from me to give to you. Love does not take from you to give to me.
Love is a gift. A gift that with the giving both the giver and the receiver rejoice because both are grateful for the presence of the other. Love grows in the knowledge that I cannot make you feel. You cannot make me mad, sad, cry or want to die. I control my emotions, my inner dialog, my world. And you control yours.
Our journeys may overlap for awhile and in doing so your love may influence my perception and my love may warm your heart, but I am me and you are you. You cannot hurt me unless I let you. Your actions may impact my inner world but I have the choice on how I react. You cannot break me. And, you cannot fix me. I choose. I can choose to stay or walk away.
I choose myself. I choose to feed the love within so that when I love you it is a gift full of truth. And when you love me, it feeds the fire within because I am capable of receiving truth. For, only by feeding the fire of love for myself can I give the gift of love and genuinely receive it.
And if your words, actions and love become daggers and demands, I can choose to raise my shield because I cannot fix you and you will not break me.