Miles to go

Emotions suck me into a place where I am blind to truth. Reality is blurred by the rush of chemicals coursing through my veins. I tremble. I yell within my mind to stop overreacting. I can see the ridiculousness in my response and yet I am overwhelmed by the moment.

These feelings suck me into a tiny space when I can only fight out of the corner. My back against a wall of my own making, I lash out. Claws protracted, I growl. Protecting open wounds, bleeding on the floor, my life is on the line. How dare you? I scream. I cry. The dragon in me stands tall to protect the little one within my skin.

In retrospect, I can watch the movie and tell myself how I should have behaved. It is easy to point at the past and see the flaw in exposing claws. After the poison had past and silence calms the emotions, reality returns. And the child who cowered in the corner is still wondering what happened. She is still fragile.

Sober reflection reveals the lessson. I still have miles to go.

This journey is not a straight path. It is a circle turning around itself so that lessons learned are revisited to deepen the understanding. Each experience opening the gate to a new depth, a new death, a new revelation. Each arrival spurring the next departure, reminding me that I still have many miles to go.

 

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